she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
