dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
