Can i not drive my cunt home
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
