I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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