dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
