i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
