You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize