This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
