so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
