apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
