New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize