Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
