Yo dont text me then not text me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We need to rekindle our bromance
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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