I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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