I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
