checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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