What did we do last night that was yellow?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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