Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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