I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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