A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
