that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
