I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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