Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
