my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
