I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
