PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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