i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
