I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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