That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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