I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
