We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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