For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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