I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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