im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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