Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
