I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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