i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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