I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she told me i tasted like america
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize