i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
