five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
