i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
