you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize