I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
