so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
