the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
