Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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