I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
