she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
