Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
