By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
