she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
