It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
