belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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