i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
