Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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