last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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