During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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