Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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