Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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