the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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