I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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