Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize