Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
