going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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