I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
