just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
