I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
