Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
