I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
