I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
