Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
